Top 10 Myths About Kink (Debunked)
Kink is more popular — and more misunderstood — than ever. From Fifty Shades to TikTok tutorials, BDSM has entered the mainstream… but that doesn’t mean it’s well-understood. In fact, many people still carry shame, fear, or confusion about kink because of persistent myths.
This post is here to clear things up. Whether you’re a curious beginner or someone looking for language to explain kink to a partner, here are 10 of the biggest myths — and the truths behind them.
1. “Kink is abuse.”
The truth: Abuse is non-consensual. Kink is built on consent, communication, and trust.
BDSM often involves power exchange, pain, or intense emotional dynamics — but it’s negotiated, agreed upon, and rooted in care. If consent isn’t present, it’s not kink.
2. “You must be traumatized or broken to enjoy kink.”
The truth: Many kinksters are emotionally healthy, self-aware people who enjoy kink for fun, connection, and personal growth.
While some people do use kink as a way to process experiences (with support), enjoying kink doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with you.
3. “BDSM is all about pain.”
The truth: Kink can involve sensation play — but it doesn’t have to be painful.
There’s sensual kink, service kink, psychological play, and everything in between. For many people, kink is about power dynamics, intimacy, or ritual — not pain at all.
4. “Only Dominants have the power.”
The truth: Submissives have just as much (if not more) power — especially when negotiating.
A healthy D/s relationship is a two-way agreement. Submissives choose their boundaries, give consent, and retain the right to stop play at any time.
5. “Safe words mean you’re doing it wrong.”
The truth: Safe words are a mature, responsible part of play — not a sign of failure.
Using a safe word shows you’re tuned into your limits and willing to speak up. It also helps partners build trust and fine-tune communication.
6. “Kink ruins ‘normal’ relationships.”
The truth: Kink often strengthens relationships by encouraging better communication, vulnerability, and intimacy.
Many couples find that exploring kink together helps them feel more connected, more open, and more playful — not less.
7. “If you’re into kink, you must be kinky all the time.”
The truth: Most kinksters live completely “vanilla” lives outside of scenes.
You can love bondage and still enjoy brunch. Kink doesn’t have to be your entire identity — it can be one part of your rich, multifaceted life.
8. “There’s a right way to do BDSM.”
The truth: There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. What matters most is safety, consent, and mutual enjoyment.
Some people like high-protocol service play. Others just want to be spanked once in a while. Both are valid. Your kink is your kink.
9. “If I let someone dominate me, I’m weak.”
The truth: Surrender takes strength.
Being submissive requires self-awareness, boundaries, and trust. Submissives are often incredibly strong people who feel empowered through their choice to serve, submit, or explore vulnerability.
10. “Kink is illegal or dangerous.”
The truth: Consensual kink is completely legal in most places (and definitely in educational, professional settings like Princess Raven’s work).
The danger comes when people don’t know what they’re doing — that’s why education, communication, and community matter. Kink doesn’t have to be risky if it’s done responsibly.
Want to Explore Safely, with Support?
Princess Raven offers coaching, educational sessions, and guidance for individuals and couples who are curious about kink. Whether you're ready to dive in or still wondering what it's all about, you deserve a space that’s respectful, informed, and shame-free.
Curiosity isn’t weird. It’s a sign that you’re ready to grow.
