When you first step into the world of BDSM and kink, it can feel like you’ve entered a whole new language — full of acronyms, titles, and code words. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed!
This quick glossary is here to help you get your footing. Whether you're reading blogs, browsing FetLife, or negotiating a scene, these 20 beginner-friendly kink terms will help you understand what people are really talking about — and empower you to speak the language of consent, safety, and play.
A broad umbrella acronym for:
Bondage & Discipline
Dominance & Submission
Sadism & Masochism
The person who takes the lead or control in a scene or relationship.
Dom is often gender-neutral or masculine
Domme (pronounced “Dom”) is a feminine form
The person who consensually surrenders control or follows direction in a scene.
Someone who enjoys both Dominant and submissive roles, depending on context or partner.
Scene-based terms:
Top = the one doing the action (e.g. spanking, tying)
Bottom = the one receiving the action
Not always the same as Dom/sub — topping can be playful or technical, not always power-based.
A planned or spontaneous BDSM encounter, including negotiation, play, and aftercare.
An event or gathering where people meet to socialize and sometimes play in a kink-friendly space.
Short for Dominance and submission — a dynamic where one partner consensually takes on a leadership role and the other follows.
The consensual transfer of control or authority from one person to another, often in a D/s dynamic.
Rules, rituals, or structured behaviors (like kneeling, speaking rules, or dress codes) that are agreed upon in a D/s relationship.
A symbolic item (like a necklace, chain, or choker) that represents commitment or ownership in a D/s relationship. Can be short-term, long-term, or ceremonial.
A pre-agreed word or signal used to pause or stop a scene. Often something unrelated to sex, like “pineapple” or “red.”
Emotional or physical crash after an intense scene. Can include sadness, fatigue, or vulnerability. Good aftercare helps manage drop.
The emotional and physical support given after a scene — cuddling, snacks, water, affirmations, quiet time, etc.
“Safe, Sane, and Consensual” — a philosophy for ethical kink play.
“Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” — acknowledges that all play carries some risk, and emphasizes communication.
An absolute boundary — something you will not do under any circumstances.
Something you might try under certain conditions, or are unsure about.
A specific sexual or psychological fixation or interest — can range from feet to leather to authority figures.
A broad term for anything that goes beyond “vanilla” sex or relationship dynamics — includes everything from roleplay to rope bondage.
Dungeon: A dedicated space for BDSM play (often with specific rules and monitored by a Dungeon Monitor or “DM”)
FetLife: A social networking site for kinksters
Brat / Primal / Little: Submissive archetypes or styles of play (each with their own culture)
Princess Raven offers private coaching and kink education that’s:
Judgment-free
Consent-centered
Perfect for individuals and couples at every level
You don’t need to memorize everything — just start where you are. Understanding the language of kink is the first step to claiming your desires with confidence.