Kink Lingo Glossary: 20 Terms Newbies Should Know
When you first step into the world of BDSM and kink, it can feel like you’ve entered a whole new language — full of acronyms, titles, and code words. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed!
This quick glossary is here to help you get your footing. Whether you're reading blogs, browsing FetLife, or negotiating a scene, these 20 beginner-friendly kink terms will help you understand what people are really talking about — and empower you to speak the language of consent, safety, and play.
🖤 Common Kink Terms (In Plain English)
1. BDSM
A broad umbrella acronym for:
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Bondage & Discipline
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Dominance & Submission
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Sadism & Masochism
2. Dom / Domme / Dominant
The person who takes the lead or control in a scene or relationship.
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Dom is often gender-neutral or masculine
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Domme (pronounced “Dom”) is a feminine form
3. Sub / Submissive
The person who consensually surrenders control or follows direction in a scene.
4. Switch
Someone who enjoys both Dominant and submissive roles, depending on context or partner.
5. Top / Bottom
Scene-based terms:
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Top = the one doing the action (e.g. spanking, tying)
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Bottom = the one receiving the action
Not always the same as Dom/sub — topping can be playful or technical, not always power-based.
6. Scene
A planned or spontaneous BDSM encounter, including negotiation, play, and aftercare.
7. Play Party
An event or gathering where people meet to socialize and sometimes play in a kink-friendly space.
8. D/s
Short for Dominance and submission — a dynamic where one partner consensually takes on a leadership role and the other follows.
9. Power Exchange
The consensual transfer of control or authority from one person to another, often in a D/s dynamic.
10. Protocol
Rules, rituals, or structured behaviors (like kneeling, speaking rules, or dress codes) that are agreed upon in a D/s relationship.
11. Collar / Collaring
A symbolic item (like a necklace, chain, or choker) that represents commitment or ownership in a D/s relationship. Can be short-term, long-term, or ceremonial.
12. Safe Word
A pre-agreed word or signal used to pause or stop a scene. Often something unrelated to sex, like “pineapple” or “red.”
13. Sub Drop / Dom Drop
Emotional or physical crash after an intense scene. Can include sadness, fatigue, or vulnerability. Good aftercare helps manage drop.
14. Aftercare
The emotional and physical support given after a scene — cuddling, snacks, water, affirmations, quiet time, etc.
15. SSC
“Safe, Sane, and Consensual” — a philosophy for ethical kink play.
16. RACK
“Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” — acknowledges that all play carries some risk, and emphasizes communication.
17. Hard Limit
An absolute boundary — something you will not do under any circumstances.
18. Soft Limit
Something you might try under certain conditions, or are unsure about.
19. Fetish
A specific sexual or psychological fixation or interest — can range from feet to leather to authority figures.
20. Kink
A broad term for anything that goes beyond “vanilla” sex or relationship dynamics — includes everything from roleplay to rope bondage.
Bonus Terms You Might See:
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Dungeon: A dedicated space for BDSM play (often with specific rules and monitored by a Dungeon Monitor or “DM”)
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FetLife: A social networking site for kinksters
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Brat / Primal / Little: Submissive archetypes or styles of play (each with their own culture)
Want to Learn More? Work With a Guide You Can Trust.
Princess Raven offers private coaching and kink education that’s:
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Judgment-free
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Consent-centered
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Perfect for individuals and couples at every level
You don’t need to memorize everything — just start where you are. Understanding the language of kink is the first step to claiming your desires with confidence.
