Coffee Meeting - FAQs
You're finally doing this! Meeting your future Domme in person. Maybe you're an experienced sub, looking forward to the next chapter in your adventure. Maybe this is your first time - your very first Domme! Both situations are equally special and exciting!
Meeting for coffee to get to know each other, and get all the awkward out of the way, is a key component to having a safe and fun session!
What if someone from work sees me getting coffee with a Domme?!
Believe it or not, Dommes are still people, just like you ;) She won't be wearing a latex catsuit in a Starbucks, and neither should you. Dress vanilla. To any onlookers, you are just 2 people getting coffee - nothing weird about that.
Is it illegal to get coffee with a Domme?
Not at all! However, make sure to give your Tribute in a discreet way, so it doesn't look like you're doing a drug deal (or other illegal activity). The best thing to do is ask your future Domme how She would prefer to receive the Tribute. Whatever instructions She gives you, FOLLOW THEM. If you don't, She might change Her mind about you serving Her if you can't follow simple instructions. Let Her handle the logistics, the responsibility, and the control.
Will people overhear our conversation?
Getting coffee with your future Domme is the first step in learning to trust Her and hand over control to Her. She will choose a cafe or restaurant that is good for private conversations. Remember, She also doesn't want random passersby overhearing your private conversation, so She would never pick a place where people can easily overhear you. Besides, coffee is mostly about getting to know each other, and much of the conversation will be vanilla.
- for Dommes: the best cafes are busy ones with lots of seating. Lots of loud chatter around You will result in the perfect privacy. As another option, You could choose a restaurant with booth seating (I recommend scouting the location ahead of time).
What if I get cold feet?
Unfortunately, it happens. And any Domme with experience knows this. Is it frustrating when She spent weeks chatting, scheduled a coffee meet, and then last-minute you cancel on Her? Yes, of course it is. But giving Her a heads up vs ghosting is super important. If you want to stand out as a respectable person, then you should still pay the Tribute since She made room in Her busy schedule for you. We're busy babes, and We cherish Our time.
- for Dommes: don't get angry when this happens. Some of My best submissives canceled coffee, and then came back when they were ready. Usually 6-12 months later. Also, I've never been stood up at coffee. And what if I did? I'll just get some coffee and go about My day. I only choose cafes that are convenient to Me, and I never show up if the sub hasn't confirmed the day-of.
PRINCESS RAVEN'S CANCELLATION POLICY: If you cancel on Me for coffee within a 48 hr window, FOR ANY REASON, then you will need to pay the full Tribute (aka the deposit towards your first session) before being allowed to reschedule. If you're not willing to do this, then I know you don't actually respect Me and aren't serious about becoming one of My subs/ slaves. I'll move forward with other guys who actually want this.
I don’t care what your excuse is. If it’s Covid, a family death, car trouble, medical emergency. The reality is that lots of losers use these things as excuses when they get cold feet for coffee. I’m extremely busy, so when you cancel last minute, it disrespects My schedule and Me. if your excuse is legit, then you can pay your tribute and I’ll be happy to reschedule.
Why is there Tribute for coffee?
Most Dommes will expect a deposit towards your first session when you meet for coffee. This ensures that you're serious, and not going to waste Her time. There are hundreds of guys out there who would love to meet Her for coffee but are unwilling to pay Tribute bc at the end of the day they don't respect Her. Show Her that you're different; you're a cut above the rest, that you actually worship the Divine Feminine.
Keep in mind that this is a DEPOSIT, not an additional expense. Not sure if She's a scammer? Worried about sending a Tribute ahead of time, and then She ghosts for coffee? Check out this writing on How to Spot a Fake Profile (https://fetlife.com/users/4965049/posts/5139166) and Deposits: How to Not Get Scammed (https://fetlife.com/users/4965049/posts/6952012)
In general, don't send money to someone who you've never met before. It's best to pay when you're at the restaurant/cafe, that way you know you're getting scammed. The only exception here, is if you canceled last-minute on her - then you should pay the Tribute since you wasted Her time.
How will I know which person is Her?
Some Dommes are comfortable sending face pics, some Dommes are not. She's a human too, and you need to respect Her personal boundaries. Most people like to keep a decent separation between kink life and personal life. She deserves discretion just like you do. Honestly, face pics don't always help - because then you're just staring at every person in the cafe! Instead, exchange outfits - tell Her what color shirt, jacket, pants, hair, you have. And if you have facial hair or glasses. This is the easiest way to spot someone in a crowd.
Ladies, if you'd like to learn My personal protocols and guidelines for coffee meets, then check out My Pro Domme workshops which are hosted on zoom, so you can attend from anywhere in the world!
Will we have a session right afterwards?
Your session will be at least 2 days away, typically the following week however. It's important to have some buffer time, because often questions come up after you've met for coffee. It is not a good idea to session immediately after meeting for coffee.
- For Dommes: any man pressuring you to session immediately after meeting for coffee is a red flag - there are other fish in the sea, and your safety is the most important thing!
What will we talk about?
Coffee is typically small talk. A bit about how you got into the scene, what you're looking for these days, what your hobbies are, work schedule/ availability to play, any other skill sets you have that might be of use to your Domme (carpentry for example) and things like that. It will not be sexy talk - that is not appropriate for a coffee shop! Do not arrive wearing a butt plug or panties, etc. unless this scene has been discussed with your future Domme. Otherwise, you'll be involving Her in a scene that She did not consent to, and She would be in Her full rights to keep your Tribute deposit and choose not to play with you for your bad behavior.
How to be prepared and successful:
1. Confirm with your Domme via text the day before, and morning of, letting Her know that you're excited to meet for coffee.
2. Confirm Tribute amount and instructions. Even you're 100% sure you know, confirm anyways.
3. Be on time. Which really means arrive 10-15 min early, bc if there's a car crash and it's totally not your fault, but you're late...don't expect Her to wait more than 3-5 minutes for you. And you won't get a second chance.
If ya'll have any other questions not covered here, shout em out in the comments and I'll update this article :) hope this helps!
If I have told you to read this, then you must tell Me the password to prove you've read it:
The password is: Meow Meow
