Getting Started with Kink as a Couple – First Steps

You and your partner are curious about kink — but you’re not sure where to begin. Maybe you’ve read a little, fantasized a lot, or had one of those “what if we tried…” conversations. Now you’re ready to take a first step.

Here’s the good news: you don’t need to dive into a full-blown dungeon scene to begin exploring. Getting started with BDSM as a couple is about communication, curiosity, and trust — not perfection or performance.

This guide will walk you through gentle, approachable ways to explore kink together.

 

Start with a Conversation (Not a Scene)

Before anything physical, talk about:

  • What draws each of you to kink?

  • Are there fantasies you’ve never shared?

  • What feels exciting — and what feels off-limits?

Use this as a space to:

  • Be honest without judgment

  • Ask questions

  • Stay curious about each other’s responses

Tip: Try setting a timer for 15 minutes where each person gets uninterrupted sharing time.

 

Create a Shared Yes/Maybe/No List

This is a great low-pressure way to get specific.

  1. Download a BDSM checklist (or create your own!)

  2. Each partner goes through it privately

  3. Compare notes together

Sort activities into:

  • ✅ Yes: We’re into this!

  • 🤔 Maybe: Curious, unsure, or under certain conditions

  • 🚫 No: Not for us

Remember: you don’t have to do everything. Your “yes” list can be short and still be fun.

 

Pick One Playful Element to Try

Kink doesn’t have to mean intense scenes or roleplay (yet!). Start small:

  • Blindfold and touch exploration

  • Simple light bondage (scarf or soft rope around wrists)

  • Power play phrases like “Good girl,” “Yes, Sir,” or “Beg for it”

  • Tease and denial (build-up without immediate release)

Let it be playful. Laugh if you need to. You’re building trust, not performing.

 

Talk About Safety and Consent

Even light scenes need structure:

  • Choose a safe word (like “red” or “pineapple”)

  • Talk about hard and soft limits ahead of time

  • Agree on what will and won’t happen

  • Decide how to reconnect after the scene (aftercare)

Safety = freedom. The clearer the boundaries, the more confident you’ll both feel.

 

Build Aftercare Into Your Plans

Aftercare isn’t just for intense scenes. It’s for reconnecting and grounding together.

Try:

  • Cuddling

  • Sharing what you liked or didn’t

  • Giving affirmations (“You were amazing,” “I felt really close to you”)

  • Taking a shower together

This is where emotional intimacy grows.

 

Keep Growing at Your Own Pace

Your first scene won’t be perfect — and it doesn’t have to be. The point is to explore together.

Want to keep going?

  • Try a kink quiz or fantasy-sharing game

  • Watch a BDSM-friendly documentary or read a book

  • Book a session with a kink coach for support and guidance

 

Ready to Explore Kink Together?

Princess Raven offers private coaching for couples who want to:

  • Build trust and curiosity in their dynamic

  • Learn how to negotiate scenes and roles

  • Explore kink in a supportive, educational space

Book a Discovery Call

 

Start small. Stay curious. And remember — the journey into kink can be one of the most bonding, intimate adventures you’ll ever take together.

 

Back to: Deepening Intimacy Through Kink – A Guide for Couples

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