One of the most iconic elements of BDSM is the power exchange between a Dominant and a submissive — but what do these roles actually mean?
It’s easy to think of them in opposites: the Dominant gives orders, the submissive obeys. The Dominant holds power, the submissive surrenders. But in reality, both roles require care, communication, and consent — and neither exists in isolation. They are relational, intentional, and deeply personalized.
In this post, we’ll explore the differences (and beautiful interdependence) between D-types and s-types — including common traits, responsibilities, and mindset. Whether you’re figuring out your role or deepening your understanding of one, this guide is here to support your journey.
A Dominant (often called a Dom, Domme, Top, Master, Mistress, Owner, etc.) is the person in a D/s dynamic who assumes the authority, guidance, or control role — always with the consensual submission of the other person.
Being Dominant doesn’t mean being cruel, cold, or aggressive. At its core, Dominance is a leadership role grounded in:
Responsibility
Clarity
Presence
Emotional intelligence
Service (yes, service — to the dynamic and the sub’s wellbeing)
Set structure or protocol in a dynamic
Create rituals, orders, or assignments
Guide a submissive’s growth or development
Offer correction or discipline when needed
Maintain emotional and physical safety during play
Provide praise, feedback, and aftercare
Make decisions within agreed-upon areas of power exchange
Dominance isn’t about control — it’s about consensually being trusted with someone’s surrender.
A submissive (often called a sub, bottom, slave, pet, etc.) is the person in a D/s dynamic who voluntarily surrenders authority or control — fully and consensually.
Submission is not weakness, inferiority, or mindless obedience. In fact, it requires immense strength, self-awareness, and communication.
Follow protocols or rituals set by their Dominant
Offer acts of service, obedience, or devotion
Practice discipline, training, or personal growth tasks
Express vulnerability and trust in emotionally intense scenes
Provide feedback and communicate needs
Ask for correction or structure that supports their submission
Own their limits and communicate them clearly
Submission isn’t about giving up your power — it’s about choosing where and how to offer it with care.
These roles don’t exist in a vacuum. A D/s relationship (whether it lasts an hour or a lifetime) is an exchange — not a one-way command.
| Dominant Offers | Submissive Offers |
|---|---|
| Structure | Surrender |
| Direction | Devotion |
| Safety | Trust |
| Boundaries | Obedience |
| Guidance | Receptivity |
Both roles:
Require emotional intelligence
Benefit from self-reflection and mentorship
Deserve aftercare, validation, and respect
Can be expressed in many different ways — there's no single “correct” way to Dom or sub
D/s works when both people are empowered — in their roles, their boundaries, and their shared intention.
Let’s bust a few myths:
| Myth | Reality |
|---|---|
| Doms must be loud, harsh, or hyper-masculine | Some are soft, nurturing, quiet — and still 100% in control |
| Subs are doormats or lack boundaries | The best subs are boundary-strong and full of agency |
| Submission is weakness | It’s strength, trust, and courage — every single time |
| Doms don’t need feedback or limits | Ethical Doms rely on feedback to guide the dynamic |
| There’s only one “right” way to do D/s | There are as many styles as there are people — and that’s the beauty of it |
Ask: Do I feel drawn to structure, guidance, or leading others into depth?
Practice listening before leading
Learn about communication styles, training structures, and feedback
Don’t assume authority — earn it
Ask: Where do I feel most free or fulfilled when offering myself?
Explore acts of service, training tasks, or gentle protocol
Learn your limits — and your needs
Practice trust with people who demonstrate responsibility
You’re not alone. Many people switch, blend, or evolve their roles over time. Exploration is encouraged — and fluidity is valid.
D/s dynamics can look like:
Casual power exchange during play only
Short-term training scenes or tasks
24/7 lifestyle dynamics with written contracts
Non-sexual submission or Dominance
Ritual, spiritual, or ceremonial service
Erotic roleplay that flirts with control or surrender
What matters most is that your dynamic:
Is clearly negotiated
Is enthusiastically consented to
Supports the growth, joy, and wellbeing of everyone involved
Whether you're discovering your role for the first time or want to refine your Dominance or submission in a real, structured way — Princess Raven offers:
Private coaching for Doms, subs, and switches
Dynamic design support: build rituals, protocols, training tasks, and aftercare plans
Emotional processing for new or evolving dynamics
Mentorship that’s firm, compassionate, and full of integrity
D/s isn’t about who’s on top — it’s about how you hold power, presence, and trust.
Whether you serve, guide, switch, or explore, your role deserves care, respect, and intentional growth.
Let yourself become what you already are — with clarity and confidence.